Friday, 31 December 2010

I got 100 subscribers!! (and 4 followers! :O)

WARNING: This post turned into a little bit of a rant, so if you're interested in why I didn't make videos for a while and my experience read the purple text. If not then you are more than welcome to skip it.

I am honestly SO exited having got 100 subscribers! I didn't think I would even get 10 when I started.
Now I know that some people have hundreds of thousands of people watching them, but I really am happy with all of you :) Beside, I don't think I could handle having that many people watch me haha :)


I'm a really shy person and although people say they don't see it in me because I can talk to almost anyone, I do have low self confidence so appearing on camera in front of lots of people and talking is really weird for me. If you have watching me sinceI started making videos you'll know that I took a 3-4 month break (without telling you; sorry) but this was because of what was happening to me a college and I really wasn't happy. I was literally getting to the point where I would feel like I was going to have a panic attack when anyone got angry or annoyed with me. And that stopped me from going out because I was scared that a bus driver or shopkeeper would get angry :( If you're wondering why I was so paranoid, it was because of my tutor at college and other teachers. They seemed to want to control what I was doing down to the smallest detail and when I wanted to drop a subject because I was doing too much they wouldn't allow it. Also I didn't fit in with my classmate's and they found me 'weird'; I got lots of questions like 'how did you learn to read?' and 'how did you learn to talk to people' (because I've never been to school)... And they couldn't understand why I didn't ask my mum for money when I needed it, even though I explained countless times that she doesn't have much money either and I wouldn't want to sponge off her if she did. One girl got everything you need to drive (licence -£50 - an intensive driving course so she learnt to drive within a month - £300+ -  and tax and insurance [which is ridiculous for young drivers] for her NEW Mini which I would imagine was anything from £6000) all for her 17th birthday... Now that would be fine, if she hadn't started complaining about things. The Mini wasn't the right colour, her dad wouldn't pay for the insurence after the first year or the gas to run it! She had a job which pays much more than minimum wage for her age :/ All that coupled with the huge amount of stress from doing 21 hours a week in college and not having any free time because I wanted to do work go get a good grade, meant that I wasn't really in the mood more making videos. And not having any friends in my classes, only people who asked my stupid questions didn't help my self confidence either... Whoa that was a bit f a rant there, sorry :s

Dan helps me a lot, although it was only yesterday that he watch one of my videos for the first time! This is because when I started making videos I said that I wasn't comfortable with him watching them - it just felt weird - and even though I've since told him that I WANT him to watch one of my videos he felt like it would be disrespecting my privacy (silly boy ;p)

Anyway, thank you all so much and thank you to the 4 followers of my blog. I didn't even think people read this thing, but now I know 4 people do :)

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